A boy or not a boy that is…
…The question “should we find out the sex of the baby?” is one asked by every would be parent. In fact every parent I have ever spoken to has had an opinion about it. Some wanted to find out and others didn’t, most even had reasons to support their opinion.
When it comes to finding out the baby’s sex, I feel there are really only four possible situations.
- you both want to know
- you both don’t want to know
- she wants to know
- she doesn’t want to know.
I know what you’re thinking, “what if I want to know and she doesn’t OR I don’t want to know and she does.
Seriously! Come on.
I don’t mean for this to sound like a cliché point about women wearing the pants in the relationship, true as it may be, because it’s not, you get to express your opinion but the woman gets the final say.
When the topic comes up, by all means try to come to a mutual agreement but if you can’t let her decide.
My wife and I had this conversation months and months ago, she wanted to know and I didn’t. Of course we found out. I remember we were at the hospital for the gender scan and even whilst we were in the waiting room we we still deciding. Once we were in the office and the baby was on the monitor the lady asked us if wanted to know at which point my wife blurts out loud, “too late I can already see it”. We all know what “it” is when it comes to the human anatomy. At the time, I was dead set on not wanting to find out but I didn’t realise that while I was still coming to terms with becoming a parent, she had already accepted it and was thinking 6-12 months down the line about everything else.
In her mind knowing the sex of the baby meant one less thing for her to worry about. By the time the gender scan came up she was already thinking about: the health, the name, the birth, the pain, breast feeding, what she’d need to pack, the things we’ll need at home, what might go wrong and god knows what else. Men on the other hand, certainly at this point, are only wondering if there will be penis or not.
Whilst men and women have equal sized brains, the baby portion of a woman’s brain is like Albert Einstein whilst ours is merely pea sized.
I didn’t know it at the time but my wife was miles ahead of me. Now that I think about it, my reason for not wanting to know was also a bit naive. I had romanticised about the moment when the doctor would place my child in my arms and utter the words here is your son/daughter, then I would stop, look at him/her, take a deep breath and cry at the fact that my life had changed forever.
All of this may still happen with the only difference being that I now know going into the delivery room, I’m going to be having a son. I’ve realised that by knowing the gender of the baby it won’t make that moment any less special. In fact, my decisions have become easier, I feel more connected to my son and most importantly I have been able to take solace in knowing that my wife has one less thing to worry about.
I’ve discussed my situation here, if yours is the other way around and you want to know but she doesn’t, try to empathise with her and understand why. She may be feeling scared that somehow knowing the sex of the baby could make it all that more real or finding out might make it harder for her to deal with should something go wrong. Who knows what the reason is but whatever the reason is I guarantee you it’s more valid than yours.
“You’re the world’s greatest dad, although my frame of reference is limited”